I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
