I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
