two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
