It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
