So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
