how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
