it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Im part way to drunk.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
