That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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