just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have feelings that need drinking.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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