I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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