ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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