I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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