i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize