Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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