Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize