Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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