Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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