I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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