i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
