I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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