You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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