so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
