I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
