I'm gonna have a badass scar
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
