my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize