This is not my ceiling
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
