You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
