yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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