we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize