i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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