I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
