i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
