I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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