White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Randomize