everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
