i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
