i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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