nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize