she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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