similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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