I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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