I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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