The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize