...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize