never play flip cup with pint glasses
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
