I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
