Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize