clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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