Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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