Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
