He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
