I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
