If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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