chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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