Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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