Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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