went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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