wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
