Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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