so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
