I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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