so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
