Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
