Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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